The Poo Poo and the Pee
by Nanette Mercantilism
Summary: A prince looks to marry a princess, but she must be a REAL princess.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING:**

PEOPLE WHO LIKE THE FAIRY TALE "The Princess and the Pea" MAY BE OFFENDED BY THE TOILET HUMOUR USED IN THE FOLLOWING SPOOFS. IF YOU ARE THINKING "I LIKE IT BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF IT" THEN DON'T LEAVE A BAD REVIEW BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!

The Poo Poo and the Pee

_Okay people, this is the screw-up of the real book version of "the princess and the pee" ok? The next chapter (chapter 2) is the screw-up of the movie (I think?) version. So yeah. This one is from the prince's point of view, and the next chapter is from the princess' point of view. OK? Yeah._

Once upon a time there was a prince named Butt Head. He desperately wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess. He traveled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king (Butt Head's dad) went to open it.

A princess was standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! What a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess, and her name was Poo Poo.

"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old queen (Butt Head's mom). But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the wooden bed frame/holder-thing, and did pee on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pee spill, and then twenty bedsheets and blankets on top of the mattresses.

On this the princess Poo Poo had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

"Oh, very badly!" Poo Poo said. "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something squishy as urine, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horribly un-delightful!"

Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pee right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty blankets and bedsheets.

Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince Butt Head took Poo Poo for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pee was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.


	2. Chapter 2

OK ppl—here is the movie version from Poo Poo's point of view.

**The Poo Poo and the Pee**

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a princess named Poo Poo. She was smart, gorgeous, irresistible, and all that jazz. She desperately wanted to marry a handsome prince named Butt Head, but she could never find a time to meet and chat with him. But one lucky day, she saw an ad in the paper for a contest to marry Prince Butt Head! Boy, was Poo Poo delighted! She stuck the ad on the fridge with a magnet to be sure she wouldn't forget to go.

The day of the contest arrived, and Poo Poo got ready so quickly, but so attractively (a guy whistling, cuz he thinks shez hot, in the background). The rain outside was miserable, so she hired a coach and rode to Butt Head's castle in it. When she got there, there was an intensely long line up. She stepped inside the palace doors and Butt Head was standing there in his stunningly amazing and crisp, black suit. He looked sort of bored and agitated. When he saw Poo Poo enter, his eyes brightened and a glistening white smile spread across his masculine facial features. (By the way this is not a Crest toothpaste ad) (the last bracket thing wasn't supposed to be funny either, just thought you should know.) Poo Poo smiled flirtingly and batted her eyelashes ever so quickly, that one of her stinky eyes had pooped out and fallen on to the ground during the smell of the batting process. Poo Poo's brown coat of stench turned red around her cheeks (she blushed, basically).

Anyway, after she picked up the stinker (aka eyeball) and had safely put it back in place, she waved coyly to Butt Head. He barfed. He ran to the bathroom. But there were so many in the palace that he didn't know which one to use. He stood in the hallway dumbly for a minute, looking confused, but then he chose the farthest one, because he knew exercise made you FIT. So he ran three more steps to the elevator, forgot to press the button so he thought he was stuck in the elevator until he realized his stupidness. He pressed a button and said "Oh my!" gracefully as he raised and lowered a lock of hair.

The princesses (and one gay Prince) who had come to attempt to marry Prince Butt Head were each given a bed to sleep on. Each of the beds consisted of ten mattresses, and the Princesses had to sleep on them. The queen had secretly peed under the ten mattresses on each bed. She snickered quietly and arranged each person's sleeping plans. Poo Poo had to sleep on bed four.

In the morning, the queen asked each of the candidates (the princesses and the one gay Prince) how their night was. Each of them said it was marvelously wonderful, except Poo. When it came her turn (she was last) she said that it was horrible. There was something wet, squishy and yellow under the mattresses.

The queen knew that only a real princess could be that sensitive to feel the pee under the ten big mattresses. Therefore, Poo Poo got to marry Butt Head and they lived stinkily ever after. KOH


End file.
